I Can Breathe…

A little… first three midterms are over! I had the biggest one last Thursday but then had class all weekend with Dr. S and had two midterms yesterday (Monday) without a lot of time to study for them but I sailed through them! both had practical portions which is always intimidating but I did great. Now I have my last one Friday which is likely to be hard but I’m hoping once I can get in some study time it won’t seem so overwhelming.

Dawn and Colton went to Nebraska over the weekend since I had class. Colton really scored on Skylanders, compliments of Dawn’s mom. To say he was happy is an understatement.

I had the best class on Saturday and it has really pushed me to want to get my business open! I can’t wait!

Dawn is itching to take a vacation again.. I keep telling her if and only when we have the money to do so. We shall see where that goes. Once she gets her mind on something, she doesn’t quit but I won’t budge and do it until/unless we HAVE the money.. not on a credit card.

Well this is short.. Colton needs me.

Bye :-)






No matter how I try, this time of the semester catches up to me and I get STRESSED! I am not a person who feels stress much at all. In fact, having these midterms makes me realize how LITTLE stress I let affect me. Oh sure I get irritated at Dawn, the kids and other life hassles but they don’t hang with me. I don’t worry about things I know I can’t change. But the last few days and I know the next few days are terrible!

I think I build in enough time and I never do. I fail to think about all the things that just “happen” and that interrupt a well thought out planned ie a very poorly well thought out plan! Our herb formula midterm is 55 formulas… 55. Things like: Si Jun Zi Tang, Liu Wei Di Haung Wan, Zhi Bai Di Huang Wan, Du Qi, Wan, Ba Xian Chang Shou Wan, Er Long Zuo Ci Wan…. I think you get the idea but don’t forget I have to know all the herbs in each, what they are used for AND the dosages of each individual herb. It is a pure nightmare deluxe!

So last Thursday (4 days ago) I put my plan in action to come home Friday after class (only 1/2 day) and leave Colton at school so I can have a good 2 hours study time but Dawn tells me the dentist called and Eric had an appt at 2pm. Great.. that meant I had just enough time to get back to our city, get him and get to the dentist. I THOUGHT Dawn said it was for a sealant but it was to fix some defect and the lady told me to expect 1 – 1.5 hrs.  Great I thought! I brought my herbs book, papers, pen and highlighter in but I wasn’t very successful at focusing. How could I when there were kids all over the place.

Home  finally and I get on my computer and Dawn says she wants to go to dinner. Grr. Fine-we go to dinner but by the time I’m back home-I am really having a hard time even focusing so I look at them but not much is absorbed. I look forward to Saturday.

I get up Saturday later than normal. Well I woke up at about 7:30pm but we all layed in bed until about 9:30 when Dawn got up to get ready to go to work for a bit. I ended up snoozing until 10:30am and got up but then looked at the downstairs and it was a mess! I did some dishes, picked up the living room, vacuumed, started some laundry and sat back down to study some more and Ashley text wanting to come over. I knew that would mean it would take up several hours.. hours that I really didn’t have to give but our schedules never seem to match up. I hardly ever see her and I don’t see the grand kids either so I really did want to see them. That meant up to the shower, back down to do more laundry and start some dinner. They came about 4:30 and stayed until about 8:30pm.. again, I went right upstairs but just couldn’t focus much….

Today… I get up early and get right to it. It feels GOOD. Stuff is sinking in and I’m sailing! Dawn books a dinner date with a girl from her work. We argued slightly about this yesterday because she arranged for us to go to a haunted house… a haunted house that from the moment she mentioned it, I told her I did NOT want to go. So she schedules with her co-worker anyway and then tells me we are going Sunday at 5pm. I tell her again I do not want to go and I told you that! Not only do I not want to go… I have a boat load of work. That turned into “why do you ruin everything for me!” Sigh. She ended up calling this girl and instead arranging for dinner. I told her fine but that it couldn’t be a “sit around and chat 2 hrs thing.” I still felt like I’d get some good time in but then she surprised me at 1:45 and said “I need your help with my test.” Me.. Wwwwwhhhhhaaaatttttt???????? The last one I helped her with took us 2 full hours. Ugh. That meant my study time was over. We are supposed to meet for dinner at 5:30pm.. so we started the test, at 2:11pm, it took us almost exactly two hours. I thought I’d get at least 20 minutes to look back on my herbs but I realized I have another test tomorrow! O.M.G.! One that I haven’t even looked at! I spent 20 minutes on that, went up to take a shower and get dressed and I had another 20 minutes so I saw this up and figured I’d write in that time frame before we have to leave. Maybe erase some frustrations.

Two things to point out… My school schedule almost NEVER impacts what Dawn wants to do. At midterms and finals yes but other than that, what she wants is always what we do. It does bug me that she knows I’m stressed and busy yet tried to put it all on me that *I* wasn’t letting her do something etc. Grrrrr.

However.. I should have planned better for this. It isn’t like I didn’t know the exact week these were coming. I think every week just always seems so full and packed. I don’t know how to balance everything. I’m 3 weeks late on getting a file to Dr. S which is not like me and worse.. it isn’t even completed!

Ah well… a few more days and all of this will be passed right? I’ll have survived another midterm and we will continue to roll right along. We always do :-)

And now Dawn is downstairs and we need to bust out of here. At least it will be some good food! BBQ goodness.


So… a few days ago, I saw that our city had an alert system set up to give you calls. After the two fires in previous months where they mentioned the family did or did not get the warning calls to evacuate and actually caused the death of more than one person, I immediately went to the site and registered our phone numbers.

Imagine my surprise when I’m driving to school and I see that number/name come up on my cell phone! I listen and they report a house has exploded in the area and to stay inside! I had three kids at home! I tried calling J and it went right to voicemail.. of course my thought is “What if it exploded and it is MY house!” Thankfully I had a classmate in the  car and she was able to look it up online and found the address and I  knew it wasn’t our street so couldn’t have been our house.
It makes you think though.. how quickly things can happen. How fast a life can be lost. How fast a family can be unraveled. How much we need to live life and show others we care.

On top of that, I came home to hear a news conference that Jessica.. the little girl missing in a nearby town was identified. Her body cut in pieces and I’m presuming her head missing since it took so long to identify..  I mean they could identify with teeth in hours right? They mentioned using DNA… it just makes me stomach turn. It makes me sick. I can only hope she was dismembered AFTER her death but something tells me this sicko wasn’t that kind. It also freaks me out because I have a 10 yr old who walks to school. It isn’t a far walk but she went missing in a 3 block walk! I have a 14 yr old who walks to the bus stop and often it is still dark out! I need to have some serious discussions with both of them… and I hate that. I don’t want them to fear or be scared yet I NEED them to be scared to take it serious.

Why can’t people just be kind…. care and love…. is it really that hard?




And More Health News…

So, I went to my pcp yesterday regarding my neck post MVA. I don’t even know if I mentioned it yesterday but I think I did. Anyway, she did some blood work to make sure my liver function was ok with the meds they have prescribed. She also did a CBC. They called today and my WBC is even more elevated at 11.8. It has been staying elevated but I believe all in the past year have been under this level. But my platelets were also elevated at 449. I have to have them repeated in one month and see where things stand. Of course, high platelets are an indication of LU cancer too which is just great. To back up.. in August, I had what I thought was a UTI. I went in and they did a urine sample. I was peeing blood and they gave me antibiotics. I took them, felt better and a couple of days later I got a phone call saying my urinalysis was very abnormal and there was only trace amounts of bacteria. It it was really a UTI, it should have been a lot of bacteria. So, they had my come back in. I told him my back was hurting and wrapping around to my side so he ordered a stat CT thinking maybe I had a blocked ureter. Imagine my surprise when they called the next day and said the scan picked up a small mass in my lower right lobe. (lung) They then scheduled a repeat CT which took about 3 weeks to go through the insurance approval process. When they did that, they found THREE spots! I was shocked! From there, everything seems to be a mess. Info hasn’t always seemed clear, and I haven’t really known what was up. I saw a pulmonologist who reviewed the scans and said “I’ll be shocked if this is cancer!” but my pcp seems to be a lot more concerned. As it stands, I’m supposed to have a repeat scan in mid Dec and if the areas have doubled in size, then have biopsy’s and who knows what.

I’m not going to let this get out of hand.. I’ll keep moving ahead. What is.. is. My worrying during the wait is not going to change the outcome so I’m just going to move on and live the best I can with the least stress as possible.

I don’t know why, but I do have a sense of peace about it…. so I’m choosing to believe all is going to be ok.


**I wrote this on the 10th but noticed it didn’t post


Blah.. Dawn stayed home from work today and today is my normal day off from school.  Too bad it can’t be for fun things but she is up at walk in urgent care right now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this doesn’t come around for swing #3 at me! Right now, Dawn, Hailey and Jordan are sick.. Colton and I are healthy. Poor Jordan, he just moved back home for a short while too just in time to get walloped by this cold!

Speaking of Jordan and moving home… he came back last week for 2-4 months to really save some money. He was living in a house with a few other boys his age but the father of one of the boys who owned the house decided to he didn’t want to be leasing it out anymore. Not sure if he is going to move to sell it or what so they all had to find other places by Oct 1st. He gave them a couple of months notice. The other kids found places right away but Jordan wanted to stay as long as he could as he was close to work but decided to move home instead of getting another apt. He is hoping with having a car now, he can actually look for a better job instead of one that is within walking distance. That boy really does have a good head on his shoulders. It is funny now to think that I used to worry about him them most. I used to fear his sense of humor would get him in trouble but man, when I hear him talk about the future, school, plans etc.. the way he rationalizes things is excellent!

Anyway.. back to illness. Hailey caught Colton’s pink eye and she was NOT happy! She came home from school yesterday feeling bad and then by evening, she was complaining of her eye. Good thing we had the drops from Colton and immediately put the drops in and hopefully just a few doses will help that but she is home from school again today.

I’m trying to get motivated to really start to study my formulas.. man-it is a LOT. I don’t know the exact number but I think it is between 50-60 formulas we need to know for midterm. That includes dosages and I’m WAY behind. Midterm is 7 days away…  yikes! I text two classmates and sent them a list of 7 and said we all needed to really know them well by tomorrow. I’m thinking I might have to up that to 10! I think if I break it down into chunks of 7-10, it will feel more manageable.. it is just SO much information.

Let’s see about adding a few photos…you know.. just to catch up :-) I’m not sure about this new photo upload things because I can’t write who is who! I hope people can figure it out.. there are photos of Desmond-my 13 month old grandson, Jordan-my 19 yr old son, Kylie-my 4 yr old grand daughter, My mom, sister, niece and nephew visiting us. I think Hailey is in a couple of photos too… one of Dawn and I. I just literally picked a few from tiny thumbnails so I don’t even know how good they are :-) Ah well…

I think about writing on the blog a lot. I really do. Especially at night. I think of all the things I would say, all the things I’m missing, how many things I captured on earlier posts that I’m not now and haven’t for the past almost 2 years I’ve been in school and I just have to make a better effort! I have to! There is too much that happens to know I’m missing so much of it!

I won’t even come close to having enough time to really capture much of what has happened and I think that is part of why I never just come and post.. because I think it will take too long. I think I just need to jump back in with posts that are in the present and see where it goes.

So with that, we’ve been going through crazy cold crisis here. Colton started a preschool and has been bringing home nice crap. He ended up in the ER with croup so bad it almost got him admitted and then was better only a couple of days, returned to school and caught another cold asap and this time he shared with all of us. It seems like someone has been sick for the past solid month. It hit me and I missed a full week of school. Hailey came home from school sick and Dawn came home early today and is thinking about staying home tomorrow. I should mention both of them have already been sick in the past couple of weeks too. I hope it isn’t swinging around to knock my feet out from under me!

School is going well. I slowed down my pace and extended. It was a hard decision but when I added up the time, it was going to be 42 hours a week between driving and class time. That didn’t include any study time nor did it add in extra time for days when there is snow or bad weather which is sure to happen this trimester. Combine that with Dr. S’s program and it was just way too much. I would have had to have dropped Dr. S’s program and that is the last thing I want to do! It has actually been a nice change to not feel so frantic all the time.

Everyone really is doing quite well. There are things all over the place but nothing so big that it warrants me making mention right this moment.

I had a dr appointment today. Back on March 9th I was in a car accident and totaled Dawn’s 4 month old brand new car! It jacked up my neck and I have 2 bulging disks at C5, C6 and a herniated one at C7. This has caused me a lot of issues and I’ve been to the doctors several times with them saying I need to have surgery to remove the herniation and fuse it all. I do not want to do this. It is a pain. My attorney said I really needed to continue to have conservative treatment for awhile to show we tried to help the condition but every time I go, it flares it all up. I went Friday to another guy and he about killed me with cupping and my arm has been going numb since! The pain is greatly increased and I’m so sick of it! At least when I avoid seeing people for massage, pt etc, I am at an even state=not going backwards! So my pcp said that I need to quit going. She feels the nerve is irritated with very little and that I either need to do the surgery or we need to try to manage with meds until I am ready to do the surgery. We shall see….

Let’s see, Dawn is doing some histology work in the evenings. It is a LOT for her because she is doing her regular full time job, going to school full time and this doing extra histology stuff in the evening. She took it on because it was offered to her and it is experience that will help her grow fast in the field so she felt like she couldn’t  pass up the chance.

Sometimes, I can’t believe how hard we are both working yet maintaining things fairly well. Things get pushed aside or left behind.. not on purpose but just because we have no choice. Like seeing the grandkids. I can’t just go get them.. there is never extra time! I keep telling myself that I just need to push through and when all of this school is over, I’ll be in a much better place to see them and be able to provide for everyone better.

Have to run now.. I have to study some herbal formulas.. midterm is in 9 days! Yikes!



Not Doing So Well Eh?

I really want to keep up on this blog but it just seems like the time isn’t really there. I think of it but have a million other things that seem more important.. sigh.

School is my biggest challenge. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were only the one program but being in two different programs.. one full time and one accelerated is kicking my butt! I feel like I’m in a pattern of just counting down the weeks and months to the finish line although that finish line is more than a year away.

I’m seeing patients now which is really cool yet hard at the same time. My patients really like me and which is a double edges sword in school but will be a great thing when I’m in my own practice. I say this because we only see two patients per clinic. One of my clinics is a specialty clinic utilizing the Dr. Tan technique. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this method but the patients I started with are still seeing me which means I’ve only been able to do the same 2-3 treatments each week. The other people on my team are seeing a variety of patients, using various global balancing treatments and I’m doing just the pain and I feel like the knowledge I could be getting is going out the window. This clinic is VERY hard to get in to and I’m not experiencing what the others are because I’ve had the same patients, same chief complaints. On the flip side, I have to remember that the fact I can retain these patients is great! They want to see me, they enjoy seeing me and they book out their 3 visits ahead so they can assure they see me. That part makes me very happy. And we are now at the 8 week mark of this trimester so my patients have to switch to another provider. We can only see them 7 visits so I’ll get a fresh round of patients starting next week.

As far as family.. today is Ashley 23rd b’day. I don’t even know where time flies… Ashley makes me infinitely proud of her and is doing fantastic. I doubt I’ve posted this but she and Ladi are getting married in a few months.. I’m still not sure how I’ll do with that. I mean it is exciting and all. Ladi is great but me and things like that.. all I do is cry. Should be fun!

The other kids are doing well. We don’t see much of Kevin, Ashley or Jordan. They are all living about 1/2 hour from here and have their full lives and combined with my busy schedule, it is just hard. Jordan was here for a few hours yesterday which was really nice. Ashley came over last weekend with the three girls and she and Dawn went swimming with the kids. I was in class… they were still here when I got home though so I got about an hour with them all before they left for home. Gavin is growing like a weed.. his hair is coming in so fast that every time I see him, he almost looks like a different kid! He is crawling and pulling up on things and really getting around now. He is such a happy baby.

Well.. my head is pounding and my arm is numb from typing so much (car accident) so I’m going to end it here.. I think I’ll go lay down with C and watch the Smurfs :-)


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